julian

all of the moments

when words should be spoken

we’ll both remain frozen

this room is so cold

the tireless taunting

of “what could be”

is haunting me

quickly the word love

will become my poison

don’t challenge the verdict

you know that i’m guilty

the chains call my name

and i’ll answer their call

oh prison of loneliness

you are my keeper

i promise to stay here

i promise to leave her

let go of me,

i've made up mind

move on from me,

and leave me behind

when we were last speaking

i know that you felt it

the loom has been broken

we’re falling apart

the way that i see you

is not how you see me

the words that you’re speaking

i can’t understand you

i’m not hard of hearing

i’ve just become distant

i know that you care

but i want you to go

i don’t know who’s speaking

there’s so many voices

i’m tired of choosing

from so many choices

let go of me,

i’ve made up my mind

move on from me,

and leave me behind

all of the memories;

i’ll never forget them

i know i once loved you

and probably still do…

our lives were so easy

when we were both dreamers,

but you are an artist

and i am

a teacher

take your belongings

i don’t want to keep them

they’re just a reminder

of who i once was

our lives are so different

we want different futures

if i’d known the outcome

i’d probably refuse you

if i’d known the outcome

i’d probably still choose you

let go of me,

i’ve made up my mind

move on from me,

and leave me behind

man in tree

i look around and see the faces

of people that i’ll never know

they’re putting on their airs and graces

i’ve heard that it’s the way to go

they all pretend that they can’t see me

they never look me in the eye

they hate it when i ask for money

but i’ll never know if i don’t try

wash right over

see right through

going colder

turning blue

wash right over

i can see right through

going colder

i am turning blue

they walk through…

i was feeling smaller by the hour

so i climbed up in a tree

i stayed up there for several hours

they even showed me on tv

i didn’t do it so they’d see me

i did it so i could feel tall

second chances don’t come easy

so i don’t mind it if i fall

wash right over

see right through

going colder

turning blue

wash right over

i can see right through

going colder

i am turning blue

they walk through…

just ask how i’m feeling

i promise not to scream

i’m a human being

inside my heart’s beating

wash right over

see right through

going colder

turning blue

wash right over

i can see right through

going colder

i am turning blue

they walk through…

great escape

feel a cold cold wind

press against my face

feel the warmth of your embrace

there once or twice

i know i saw the light

it took you in the night

you were all i had…

your body lies

somber as a stone

its beauty holds its own

you spread your wings

full of hollow bones

you ride the wind that blows

you were all i had…

as i dreamt,

i felt you slip

away from me

and there it was,

a cloud of dust,

where you once breathed

the walls collapsed,

the floor caved in

i fell right through

a great escape

that I had made

to be with you

you were all i had…

haunt me

i have heard you cry

in the lightless night

some have seen around,

but many watched you drown

haunt me

i know where you are

i can feel hiding in the dark

fearless

i stand on my mark

shaking silent in the garden

show your face, little darling

i know you’re there

i’m scared to turn around

i’m frightened by the sound

i feel you in my bones

just let me be alone

sleepless

i lay awake in the night

calling out your name in fright

people

they will look to the sky

shaking silent in the garden

show your face, my darling

we all know you’re there

i have heard you cry

in the lightless night

some have seen you around,

but i watched you drown

haunt me

i know where you are

i can feel you hiding in the dark

fearless

i stand on my mark

shaking silent in the garden

show your face, my darling

i know

i know

i know you’re there

high tide freak out

lay down on the ground

and breath it in

look at the sky

and count to ten

my mind

can say a lot sometimes

it can hold me down

or pass me by

talk to your friends

or draw a bath

pray to a god

or take a nap

my mind

has said a lot this time

i hardly sleep

it speaks all night

remind yourself

of the peace that you’ve known before

you’re not alone

i can tell that you think you are

it’s fine to feel lost

it’s okay to fight everything

care for yourself

and you will be okay

it’s nothing new

to feel like this

to feel unrest

to feel at risk

my mind

can say a lot sometimes

my hands will shake

i’ll fall behind

to lose control

to lose your mind

to lose yourself

to fade the lines

my mind

has said a lot this time

i’m checking out

i’ll try to hide

remind yourself

of the peace that you’ve known before

you’re not alone

i can tell that you think you are

it’s fine to feel lost

it’s okay to fight everything

care for yourself

and you will be okay

took all my advice

to try to get out of my head

tried to talk to you

but found myself lying instead

can’t we just not do this?

let me go on without feeling

you know what?

i’m fine this time

i’ll be alright on my own

when the time comes

and you have lost your way,

you’ll give into everything

your mind will say

i’m not the favorite son

i’m not the only one

what if my friends don’t care?

what if my wife’s not there?

i’m not worth anything

can anyone see me?

what if i don’t exist

what if?

what if?

what if?

drowning

sinking down

taken by

the rising tide

darkness

sinking in

oh pull me under